What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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