You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
