I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
