Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
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I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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