She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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