Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
