I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
