im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
