and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
