Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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