I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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