guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
