Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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