Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Ketchup is God's man juice
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
