Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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