Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
