I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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