Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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