Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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