you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
