Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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