OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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