He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
