Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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