You work out of a Hotel?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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