I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
