you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
