i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
