why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
