I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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