Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I still have a little drunk in my system
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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