Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
