got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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