Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
