I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
