Nicole vs. Life
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
