Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize