Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
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