shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
