Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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