I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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