i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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