As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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