I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
