my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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