Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
