If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
