Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
