just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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