I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
