I want to stick my p in your. b.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
