Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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