there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
