fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
