I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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