This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Boobs speak an international language.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
