okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
