I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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