i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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