I love black thongs
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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