Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
