pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
