He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
