Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
