I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
