Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
