Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
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You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
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My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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