have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
