Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
