Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
