I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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