we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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