Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
