I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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