he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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