is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
