didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
